1999
First published 12/31/1998

It's 1999. A pretty futuristic year, if you think about it. Sure, 2001 will be even more futuristic, but for now 1999 seems plenty futuristic to me.

I guess the future's going to start happening any minute now and I, for one, hope it's a nightmarish dystopia. Toxic wastelands! Sinister space weapons! The population of the earth huddled in massive perpetually-smoky super megalopolises! C-o-o-o-l!

I hope totalitarians take over and give everybody numbers instead of names. I want to be called something cool like citizen XJR7-64. Unless it's possible to buy vanity name-numbers, in which case I want to be R2D2.

The bad thing about having a number for a name would be if you were a little kid and you moved to a new school and your name had "69" in it. The other kids would tease you. Still, it would be worse if you were a substitute teacher. "Hello children. My name is Mr. 69 and I'll be teaching you math." You wouldn't stand a chance.

Another future thing I'm looking forward to the mark of the beast...

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