Almost-A-Father's Day
First published 6/23/1999

Yeah, ok, Father’s Day has come and gone, but what about me? I could use some father’s day presents. I’d like a new lawnmower. A circular saw would be nice. I could use some semi-fashionable department-store-bought clothing. But no. I get nothing, just because I’m not a dad. What, do I have to impregnate somebody before I get a drill?

I mean, for a guy who’s not a father, I do a lot of father-type things. I’m married. I live in a house (with a garage!). I drink beer and watch TV. I mow the lawn. I try to fix things I don’t know how to fix. I drink beer. In the winter, I shovel walks. I replaced a car battery once. I own a toolbox. And I drink beer...

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