Finite Monkeys
First published 4/8/1999

I wish I had monkeys to write this column. I mean, if it takes an infinite number of monkeys to write the works of Shakespeare, how many do you think it'd take to write this column? I figure about 5000.

That's still a lot of monkeys. It would cost a lot to feed and house all those monkeys. Don't forget the expensive monkey support staff. And you'd have to have a coffee room, so the monkeys could take breaks; otherwise they'd get carpal tunnel syndrome from all that typing.

It's also not cheap to get that many typewriters. I mean, do they even make typewriters anymore? It's no good getting the monkeys computers. That would actually decrease their efficiency -- some monkeys would just sit around playing solitaire all day and others would waste hours messing with their desktop patterns and system beeps.

You know, I bet a big part of the reason it takes so many monkeys to produce Shakespeare is because...

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