The Wonderful World of Jänos Hunyadi
First published 7/6/2000

Sometimes you’ve got a couple of ideas for a column, and you just have to pick the best one. Sometimes you’ve only got one idea, and you have to worry about stretching it out over five hundred words. And sometimes you have no ideas at all, and you have to take The Harper Encyclopedia of Military Biography off the wall, open it to a random page, and start writing about whoever you find there.

So let’s talk about Jänos Hunyadi, Hungarian general and statesman of the late 14th and early 15th centuries. Son of Vojk, a magyarized Vlach, Jänos fought in the Hussite Wars, the Hungarian Civil War of 1439, the Varna Crusade (we all remember that!) and two -- yes, two -- Turkish wars (1441 and 1448). Booyah Jänos!

And yet, in spite of his many accomplishments, Jänos Hunyadi must have had his human side. What were his likes? His dislikes? His turn ons and turn offs? For some reason The Harper Encyclopedia of Military Biography doesn’t list turn ons and turn offs. Which is kind of stupid -- why else would you want an encyclopedia of military biography? But, if you read between the lines, you can see Jänos found kind eyes and a good sense of humour turn ons and phonies and unsuccessful campaigns against the Bohemian Hussites (1439) turn offs.

Hey, speaking of the Hussites… what’s a Hussite? I don’t know. Maybe Jänos didn’t know either. That could be why his campaign was so unsuccessful. After all, like the Kenny Rogers song says, it’s hard to fight a Hussite when you don’t know what a Hussites is. Also, if you were even a little bit confused, you’d have to worry about accidentally picking a fight with a Hutterite. Now there’s a battle you can’t win!

You know, personally, if I’d unsuccessfully campaigned against the Bohemian Hussites, I’d give up. I mean, of all the Hussites to lose to, you’ve lost to the bohemian ones -- a bunch of turtleneck-wearing, bongo-playing, artsy-fartsy Hussites. How embarrassing! But not Jänos. No sir, he pulled himself together and went off and captured the fortress at Semendria (1437). And a good thing too! If he hadn’t, "Jänos Hunyadi" might never have become the household name it is today!

Okay, here’s where we separate the Jänos Hunyadi fans from the Jänos Hunyadi fanatics: when Jänos Hunyadi left Belgrade to resume the war against the Turks (1455), who did he leave in charge of the city? His son Làslò? Or his brother-in-law Mihàly Szilàgyi? If you guessed both of them… you’re right!

Boy, I hope those two got along! What if, for example, Làslò was a neat freak and Mihàly Szilàgyi was a slob? That would have lead to some hilarious hijinks! Ha ha! Or what if they were detectives in their spare time? That would have been exciting.

Really, I could go on and on. Jänos Hunyadi drove the Turks out of what is now Albania (1443). He was frustrated when the Venetian fleet failed to prevent Sultan Murad II from returning to Europe (1444). He joined forces with King Ladislas I (1446). What else is there to say (1947)? Not much (1802). Jänos Hunyadi’s reputation (1768) speaks for itself (January-February 1847).

More importantly (1912), I’ve now filled up (April 2069) about five hundred words (15,000 B.C.).

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