Lawn Psychology
First published 7/8/1999

Each summer reams of paper are used up by experts who tell us how to cultivate, fertilize and otherwise successfully care for our lawns and gardens. But there’s so much more to yardwork than just caring for our plants’ physical needs; we must care for their emotional needs as well. It is for this reason that I present to you some of my thoughts on lawn psychology.

This widely-held belief perhaps has its roots in a misinterpretation of early Freudian lawn psychotherapy. Freud, who in fact lived in an apartment and didn’t even have a lawn, speculated that mulching might cause fairy ring on an otherwise-healthy lawn, but this does not mean mulching will make your lawn gay.

Jung, Freud’s student (and, later, rival), speculated that overuse of children’s sprinkler toys (i.e. -- Soak ’n Spray) in a lawn’s early, formative seeding years might affect the lawn’s sexual preference...

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