Pac Man
First published 11/4/1999

It's been over a decade since the glory days: the adulation, the excitement, the thrilling chases down neon blue corridors. Yes, Pac-Man has had a career that many other animated sprites can only dream of. Subatomic Humor caught up with the videogame legend at his luxurious Montana ranch, where he spoke candidly on his life, his passions, and his regret over dots that remain uneaten.

Subatomic Humor: Pac-Man, let me say right off that you've got a beautiful home here. I was expected to find you living in a maze.

Pac-Man: Ha ha! No, those days are behind me. These days, I like to surround myself with the quiet simplicity of these authentic William Morris pieces.

Subatomic Humor: I don't see dots all over the floor. Or any of those big blinking dots that gave you the power to eat ghosts.

Pac-Man: Quick story about those blinking dots: they were just props. I could eat ghosts all the time, but the Atari brass felt having to eat the blinking dots first would add drama to the piece.

Subatomic Humor: How did you feel about that?

Pac-Man: I was against it, at first. I felt all that running around made my character look like a coward. Inky and Blinky and Pinky and Clyde loved it, of course. It gave them so much to work with. But, ultimately we all realized it wasn't about any one personality. It's about the work.

Subatomic Humor: So you never had any problems with the ghosts?

Pac-Man: No, no. That whole good videogame guy/bad videogame guy dichotomy is just showbiz. I play tennis with Sinistar, for god's sake!

Subatomic Humor: What ever became of the ghosts?

Pac-Man: That's a sad story, actually. They were on their way to do a personal appearance at a mall somewhere in the Midwest when their bus went into the ditch. Their bodies were instantly destroyed but even so they would have been okay -- their eyes were floating back towards the center of the maze where they would have been reconstituted. Sadly, a big semi came around a tight corner and wiped all four sets of eyes out before that could happen.

Subatomic Humor: That's terrible!

Pac-Man: They were great talents. Slimer from the Ghostbusters did their eulogy. It was very moving.

Subatomic Humor: You've been almost as well known for your personal life as for your work. I'm referring to your on-again off-again romance with Ms. Pac-Man.

Pac-Man: Oh that's ancient history! (Laughs.) Ms. Pac-Man -- or, as she likes to be called, Pac-Woman -- and I were never really an item. That whole romance was concocted by Atari to quell rumors that she was gay.

Subatomic Humor: Was she gay?

Pac-Man: Let's just say that her personal life was a little wild in those days. She's found Jesus since then, of course.

Subatomic Humor: Will you work in videogames again?

Pac-Man: No. It's a grueling schedule: when you're not doing the actual game you're replaying scenes from the game over and over again until somebody puts in a quarter. It's a young man's gig.

Subatomic Humor: Looking back on your career, is there anything you would have done differently?

Pac-Man: I would have taken more time to enjoy my success. Looking back on it, it seemed like I was always running. In the end, I think, I was just running from myself.

Subatomic Humor: And from the ghosts.

Pac-Man: Yes. And from, of course, the ghosts.

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