How To Save Money
First published 7/1/1999

These days "stretching a buck" means more than just torturing some poor deer. We all need to save money, so let's have a look at a few handy ways to economize:

• Tombstones are expensive. However, if you legally change your name to "Don't Walk on the Grass" or "No Fliers Please," you can put yours to double duty by mounting it in your yard as an attractive and weather-proof sign -- plus you've cheated inflation by buying your tombstone at today's low prices!
  
  
• In a medical crisis, doctor bills can really pile up. By simply dressing the sick person in a bunny suit, you can get him treated by a veterinarian and save big money!
  
  
• Consider setting your episode of Star Trek on a planet where, just by conicidence, everybody either dresses as cowboys, Nazis, or prohibition-era gangsters.
  
  
• No one really expects your "bottomless" pit to be bottomless, especially if it has sharp spikes.
  
  
• Paper maché heat shields may be less practical...
  
  

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