Suck Wars?
First published 2/4/1999

Ways in which the next Star Wars movie, The Phantom Menace, could suck:

• Film starts with young Anakin Skywalker accidentally being left "home alone" by his parents.

  

• Throughout the script Lucas forgets his jargon: he keeps calling droids "robots" and light sabers "laser swords."

• Claymation used to depict various aliens; so-called "giant lizard" is obviously an ordinary salamander with a little horn glued to its nose.

• "The Phantom" of The Phantom Menace turns out to be a suave intergalactic jewel thief played by Roger Moore.

• At one point, in order to hide from the bad guys, Anakin and Obi-Wan have to dress up in drag.

• To make the film more fun and campy, a few musical numbers are added...

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