Technology is Amazing
First published 10/27/1998

Isn't technology amazing? I mean, when I was a kid my neighbor had this "fancy" home video game system. Not only did it play Pong, it also played, like, 28 other games. Of course, all these games involved little dots bouncing around on a black-and-white screen going beep beep beep, but at the time this was very impressive.

These days, Pong doesn't cut it. These days a video game isn't a video game unless it features a fully-rendered 3D environment, a CD-quality soundtrack, and computer AI designed by former Soviet missile scientists.

Plus games have to be gory. Enemies can't just go poing and disappear; they have to blow up. Their heads have to roll past your feet at a realistic vector and speed. For bonus points you should be able to pick up your enemies' entrails and make them into a hat. If they ever do a sequel to Pong they'll have to call it Pong II: Bloodfest, and set it in the ninth circle of hell where you must battle Padlo, the paddle of ultimate darkness.

I have an idea for a video game. I call it Apocalypto Golf 3000...

To read the rest you have to buy the book!
The complete version of this and 99 other comedy articles is featured in:

Only US$9.95/CAN$14.95.
Order now! | More info.

Don't want a book? Keep browsing, Subatomic Humor has over 60 free complete articles...