Triangle Man
First published 12/2/1999

Pythagoras. Now there’s a guy you don’t hear mentioned very much outside of a triangle context. Most people don’t realize there was a lot more to this ancient Greek mathematician than just his famous theorem. Let’s have a look at his achievements.

Pythagoras’ Theorem: The sum of the squares of the two legs of a right triangle is equal to the square of its hypotenuse.

Pythagoras’ Disclaimer: I know about hypotenuses, not hippopotamuses. Please, direct your hippo questions elsewhere.

Pythagoras’ Pick-Up Line: Hi, my name’s Pythagoras. Perhaps you’ve heard of my theorem?

Pythagoras’ Secret Fear: Women don’t dig triangle men.

Pythagoras’ Call To His Agent: I know, I know, the money’s running a little thin. But I’m working on something that’ll make us a fortune…

Pythagoras’ Witty Observation: Ever notice how, when you’re heading out for a night of Dionysian theatre, you always end up wearing the same toga as your buddy? Ha ha! Ain’t that the truth!

Pythagoras’ Other Call To His Agent: What do you mean it tanked? OK, OK, keep your sandals on, I’ve got a sure thing coming down the pike.

Pythagoras’ Theorem II: The Revenge: If you square one leg of a right triangle only days before its retirement, the other leg will go on a one-leg quest for vengeance.

Pythagoras’ Third Call To His Agent: Oh, sure, they liked that, they love the triangle stuff, bunch of cretins. They want triangles, I’ll give ‘em triangles.

Pythagoras’ Theorem, Live Version: What does the sum of the squares of the two legs of a right triangle equal? I can’t hear you? Yeah! The square of the hypotenuse! Thank you, goodnight!

Pythagoras’ Final Call To His Agent: No, Jerry, I’m through with the triangle stuff. You hear me? Uh huh? Go ahead and quit then, I don’t need an agent!

Pythagoras’ Not-Very Useful Rectangle Theorem: The sides of a rectangle are the part which you can find out the outside of the rectangle, whereas the middle part is the inside part of the rectangle.

Pythagoras’ Corollary to his Rectangle Theorem: That also goes for squares and other shapes.

Pythagoras’ Lame Statement of the Obvious: Um, sometimes it’s nice to lie down and have a little nap.

Pythagoras’ Helpful Mnemonic Spelling Aid: When two vowels go walkin’, the first one does the talkin’!

Pythagoras’ Complaint: Pi… pi… it’s all pi these days. Who cares?! Why compute the area of a circle?! Triangles are what count! Call me a has-been, will they… hey, Uzo boy, bring us another round!

Pythagoras’ Theorem Revisited -- The Triangle Master’s Great Theorem, Digitally Remastered So You Can Enjoy It Again and Again: The sum of the squares of the two legs of a triangle still equals the square of its hypotenuse. Hey hey!

Pythagoras’ Touching Farewell Speech: In my life I may have had some bad breaks, but I consider myself the luckiest man in the world. Geometry has been very good to me. God bless, goodnight, and may all your hypotenuses be equal to the square root of the sums of the squares of the legs of your right triangles.

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