Mount Whatchamacallit
First published 10/19/2000

So it looks like Chretien might not go through with his plan of naming Mt. Logan after Trudeau. Too many geographers got upset, apparently. After all, Chretien, ever the savvy politician, doesn't want to alienate the powerful geographer lobby.

Personally, I didn't think it was such a bad idea. I mean, who's this Logan guy anyway? Some mountain discoverer guy. I mean, discovering a mountain -- how hard is that? Of all the things you could discover, a mountain has to be about the easiest. "Hey, look! Is that a mountain?" Big deal!

Now, if this Logan guy had discovered some other, subtler, geographical feature, I'd be more impressed. Like a small valley, or a really tiny hill -- the kind that you don't even notice in the car, but which kills you when you're riding your bike. That would merit getting your name on the map. But "discovering" a mountain? Come on!

Anyway, what's done is done, and it looks like the mountain's staying Mt. Logan. So, we need to think of something else to name after Trudeau.

My vote's for West Edmonton Mall. It's appropriate! Trudeau had nice clothes; he liked to shop. And West Edmonton Mall's the biggest mall in Canada. Of all the malls I've shopped in I've often thought it was the most prime ministerial. Also, if we name W.E.M. after Trudeau then when Mulroney dies we can find some crappy mall like Meadowlark and call it "Mulroney".

If the mall thing falls through, we'll need another option. My second choice would be changing the name of a province. Maybe just a little one, like Prince Edward Island. (After all, renaming a _real_ province might be a bit much.)

I don't think Prince Edward Islanders would get upset. Especially if we didn't tell them. How else are they going to find out? They're stuck on that island! And, hey, bonus: people wouldn't have to buy new maps. You'd just use a felt to change "P.E.I." to "P.E.T." and -- boom! -- instant legacy!

If both the mall and province proposals fall through, I have a final back-up option. We've already split the Northwest Territories in half once. Why not cut off another little chunk and call it "Trudeau"?

There must be an area up there where nobody lives, so nobody'd get upset. And, because they'd be drawing the boundaries for the first time, they could make the new territory any shape they wanted -- like the outline of Trudeau's head.

Now, _there's_ a legacy! Trudeau would be the first guy to actually have _his head_ on the world map! Hell, he'd be darn near _the top_ of the world map! That's not just a tribute, my friends: that's an ultra-tribute!

Who knows what will happen? The winds of politics are fickle, fickle winds. Maybe the Liberals will ignore the vitriolic pro-Logan lobby, and rename Mt. Logan after all. I hope so. But if they do, they I feel in fairness to the memory of William Logan, the least they could do is change the name of Trudeau's grave to "Logan's Tomb".

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